Important eye-watering news about string theory
America's finest news source reports a string theorist who has claimed he can 'explain everything', see http://www.theonion.com/content/node/41454:
BATAVIA, IL—Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory physicist Laird Karmann, a noted string theorist and accused philanderer, said Monday that he can "explain everything" if his wife Elizabeth will just give him a chance. "Surely, anyone can see that, mathematically, the universe is composed of Riemann surfaces, having positive-definite metrics, across which the attached 'loops' or free 'strings' have a (1+1) dynamic topology," Karmann said. "But string behaviors are Lorentzian, meaning that they—like me—need an intense ... Elizabeth refused to accept her husband's theory, suggesting that he study the transformational loop dynamics implicit in her hurled wedding ring.
Bryan comments sadly that the Scientific American pokes fun at another string theorist: http://www.math.columbia.edu/~woit/wordpress/?p=278